I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
