Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
