Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
