I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
