I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
