I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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