Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
