Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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