You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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