i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
