I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
