yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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