you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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