I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
