apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
