You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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