just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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