Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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