I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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