u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
