One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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