You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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