I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
