dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
