Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my being single is dangerous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
