They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
