I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
