I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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