I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
