I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
