Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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