just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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