I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
