So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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