Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
