guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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