kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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