Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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