Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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