All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
