While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He felt like a one man threesome
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
