the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
