i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
