Can Purell be used as lube?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
