LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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