First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i came on her dog
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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