So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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