My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
