I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm just crazy horny about you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
