tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
