hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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