Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
